The Goal

Losing weight is the goal.
Great! um...... 

Starting and stopping diets has been my life. It's SO difficult to even say a goal out loud. I mean, what if I fail? What if I put all this energy out there, and then people get disappointed in me.

This is so often WHY we fail! Because starting off... there's no real hope that it'll ever come true. I mean, I'm hopeful, I'm going out of my way WAY more than I ever have in the past. I have better reasons. But I'm still me - lil ole me who's failed 100 times before.

I'm changing that. I'm starting this WITH energy! WITH excitement! WITH Fun! Not cowering behind a box of Slim-Fast, cringing just at the thought.
NO! This is going to be Good, Fun, Healthy, Empowering, Wonderful, Life-Changing.

This is what I've been screaming to myself (and my one-year old son) all day...
Today, We are Making Changes.
Today, we are Changing Our Life.

And I mean it, damn it.

So... the goal. I weigh 196 lbs today.
I am 5'6" - and should have a comfortable weight around 140.

I am excited, empowered, we are making life changes hooray.... all of that... but... I'm still a wee bit skeered. 

My Goal is to be 150lbs by my 35th birthday. 
This means losing 46 lbs in 6 months. 
That is a A LOT of weight. 
Realistically, at one lb a week, roughly 25 weeks.... I could lose 25 lbs by April. 

But my goal is to lose 46 lbs. If I've lost 25lbs by April, then we're good and I'll keep on truckin to those 46. But I'm seriously hoping for more than that by April.

There it is. 

I want this weight GONE. 
I weighed 160 when I was a sophmore in high school. 
I weighed 185 almost the entire time I was a music major in college, and got to almost 215 after my mother moved to Oregon when I was 21. That was my highest, and I've come close to being there two times since. 

I think for always being heavy, it's maybe more difficult to even SEE yourself as something different. You get okay with all the bullshit in your head... I've never really had a problem with my weight... I've always managed to date and do everything everyone else does.... It's just who I am. 


Well, crap on that. 
I was 195 when I got pregnant, and 171 when he was born. 
I remember 171. I have pictures of me at 171. And it was awesome. It was incredible. I might not remember ever being THIN and 140, but I remember being 170. 
I want that back. 
And I want more. 


46lbs, ya'll. That's the goal.