I'm a Big Fat Girl

I've not only reached my limit.. I've surpassed.

Somehow, when I weighed myself this morning, I was 201. And today after work, I was 209.

That would make sense, on how my clothes were fitting.

yeah, I'm gone. I'm hit, done, finalized, finished, abominable. When I was over 200 before, I had nothing to wear, the most depressed state of my life, miserable, unhealthy, scared, freaked out...

Ditto that now.

Here I am. I watched the scale and saw it coming. 201 to 209 in one day? I must be getting my period. That counts for water-weight. But I'm officially over 200 now. No faking it. No denying it. I have Nothing that fits me. I have an ass. My ass... OMG, do I have an ass.

When Rowan was born, I wondered if he'd stolen my ass while I was pregnant. I really thought, yep, Germanic, no butt-genes. I didn''t know it, but at 171, I don't have an ass. At 201, I do. Big and large and not something you want to look at.


Still.. I want ruffles. I want ice cream.
I don't want to wake up at 6:30 and go running.
I have my plan of attack.

I don't want to do it.

But I can guarantee you... I don't want this ass that I saw in the window this week. It's Monday. I could start TOMORROW, and lose 4lbs by Friday. Get me back below the 200 mark.

LIFE CHANGES.... SUCK.
I'm definitely depressed. But you know what, I can hate this upcoming holiday, hate my boyfriend and everything about my life.. and still get up and do something about it. I could lose 4lbs by Friday. My back needs it. Yeah, my back it trying to go out on me again. No doubt because I have no stomach muscles to hold up the SHITE that is now my big huge body.

I really don't know how  250+ women do it. I have SUCH body problems at 200.

Will I ?

I'll keep you posted. Not much of a bodily change, life-changing blog if I'm not doing anything to better things. At least now you know I'm alive and seriously fat again.

I am a bit fat OLD lady.
You know, Jo, you'd look much sexier if you were smaller. Even just your face.